How I Stopped A Halloween Candy Binge

Yesterday I was in CVS grabbing some essentials...TP, toothpicks, toothpaste, etc. Just kind of having a tough time.

It was a Sunday. I'd started the morning feeling really good and even excited for the week ahead.

We'd spent the entire day before exploring outside in the beautiful weather and cozying up on the couch with cookies and a martini, catching up on This Is Us (did you watch?)...

But 10 AM rolled around and I was just all of a sudden really sad. Kind of lonely.

Believe me- this is not uncommon for me with Sundays...no matter what's going on in life, somehow they always feel a little bluer.

When I was really struggling with food, this would be the day where'd I'd tuck myself away and have a little all-you-can-eat picnic on my bed watching Bravo and planning my healthy strategy for the next week.

I'd feel so uncomfortably stuffed, guilty and sad by the time the sun went down...taking my trash out so that I could clear all of the evidence for my new routine the next day...planning the drapey cardigan I'd wear for work to disguise how puffy I felt.

Self-sabotage. And couldn't figure out why I was doing it.

But truth be told, I wasn't giving myself much of an opportunity to do so.

But back to yesterday...at CVS.

I grabbed the things on my list and made my way to the checkout counter, catching a glimpse of all the Halloween candy on display.

And for a split second, I thought about saying "screw it" and loading up on bags of Reeces, Twix and Twizzlers...like the old days.

But then I took a pause.

I thought about how I was feeling, what I was hoping the candy would do and how I'd feel afterward.

Just giving myself permission to really feel the discomfort I'd inevitably experience after the binge was enough to keep me moving forward.

So instead, I chatted with the cashier for a little while (I realized I needed connection- even from a stranger), and took the long roundabout way home. I stopped at Target to browse without buying, put away my phone, and just felt the emotions.

When I got home I made myself a cup of tea and an early dinner (with dessert).

This morning when I woke up, without a bloated belly or a guilty conscious, or a plan of action for eating less....it felt light. I felt free.

I wanted to share this with you for a couple of reasons...

1. Our relationship with food + our body is a journey. It's not about finding a quick fix program, perfecting a style of eating, or taking a supplement to solve your problems. It's learning how to hold space for yourself, instead of rushing to the next thing while filling the voids you might be feeling along the way.

2. It's okay to use food to eat when you're sad. It's okay to eat when you're happy. Food is emotional and serves so many purposes, beyond the energy which it provides us. But using food alone to solve a feeling is unrealistic and will leave you feeling empty.

3. Pause in the present and look to the future. So many times we're programmed to reach for things without asking ourselves why what we're accomplishing or how we'll feel afterward. Taking even a moment to ask these questions can be such a powerful way to strengthen your relationship with food + your body.

As humans, we feel happy sometimes and really down in the dumps others. Feeling this way is a part of going through life.