4 Ways My Relationship With Food Changed Through Eating Intuitively
Like clockwork, this is what my weekends used to look like when I was steeped in wellness culture…
Friday….
If nothing was on the calendar, I’d already said "screw it" at work and splurge on one of my off-limit foods lemon pound cake from Starbucks, bags of Swedish Fish, fistfuls of flavored nuts...Then proceed to a cozy evening on the couch with a little picnic of more treats until I felt sick.
Or- I’d restrict all day and save up for an evening of drinking (so that I didn’t feel bloated in my party pants)...followed by drunk/buzzed eating.
Saturday…
Get up and run, run, run. A lot- I won’t even tell you how far (cringing as I write this). Followed by usually a day of eating as little as possible, to compensate for my binge the night before and then a similar situation that evening- another couch picnic or night out.
Sunday…
More running, followed by a full "cheat day". I’d spend the evening feeling heavy and anxious- strategizing an outfit in my mind that would disguise my belly bloat, as well as a plan to "get back on track".
Let me stop here for a minute. When I share these stories with you, I know it probably sounds like there was zero joy in my life…
Yes, these were some really dark, lonely days where everything felt disconnected and hard- like I was constantly running on a hamster wheel while trying my best to make it look like everything was going great.
I did have amazing friends + family- we had a blast together. They were always there for me.
I did have career goals and trips and fun "adulting" things that I’d dream about often.
I did have casual pleasures in the day- like sitting in the park or buying my favorite magazine.
But until I healed my relationship with food, I didn’t realize how much mental space, time and energy all of these "healthy" thoughts were taking up.
Back then, food was my focus- the key ingredient that I swore would make my life happier.
Now, food is a way to enhance my life…the supporting actor, rather than the main star.
It was so scary at first…like so incredibly scary letting go of all of my "food rules" and fitness patterns- the body habits that kept me feeling stuck.
When I finally got serious about healing my relationship with food and my body, a handful of surprising things happened.
1. I stopped bingeing. Through making sure my body was satisfied and had enough energy during the day, I let go of the restriction trap I’d fallen into…which almost always led to a binge.
2. I learned that I actually didn’t like pasta. And a lot of other foods that I’d labeled "off-limits". When I started neutralizing food- giving everything a place at a table- a lot of things lost their appeal...I could taste food differently and really decide what satisfied me.
3. I could keep cookies and crackers in the house without eating them in one day. Yes- this was one of the biggest transformations and a part of a process that I teach clients called "food habituation"…essentially normalizing the desire for food, the more that you have it around and giving yourself permission to eat it (no more "good" food "bad" food). Um- talk about terrifying at first...but totally possible.
4. I lightened up. When I was dieting, my meals had to be perfect- otherwise, I’d hear that rebellious little voice inside say "well you’ve already blown it- might as well get whatever you want". But this process is a journey. It’s so far from perfection it’s not even funny. And when I started to embrace that concept and look at the more challenging times as lessons- something that I could learn from and move on with my life, it felt free and easy and fun and joyful and a lot of other things.
I could go on and on…
This is possible for you too. A life where you don’t feel controlled by food. Where you take back your power- your mental space- your confidence....get back into the driver's seat of your own life.
If this is something that’s even remotely making you feel butterflies or that pit in your stomach, let’s hop on a call and explore.
