Episode 80: Body Image, Roller Skating & Owning Your Authenticity With Rubina Bernabe
Episode 80: Body Image, Roller Skating & Owning Your Authenticity With Rubina Bernabe
In this episode we sit down with....Rubina Bernabe.
A Filipina/Asian-American woman, born and raised in Los Angeles, California, who turned her Pandemic hobby into a full on lifestyle and career change. Rubina is passionate about inspiring and empowering others to be the best version of themselves & live their best lives!
In this conversation we talk about:
Rubina’s personal body image story- standards and expectations in Filipino culture
Growing up in LA and her personal experiences of bullying
Her journey of creating a new narrative for her body and how she chooses to show up in the world and in her body
The power of personal responsibility
All about roller skating- why she got into it and practical tips on how you can get started
Connect with our guest...
TikTok - @rubinatalks
Resources we mention in this episode…
Use code RUBES to save 5% at Pigeon's Roller Skate Shop Website
Ready to heal your relationship with food + body?
Book your FREE Body Trust Breakthrough Consult
Grab your FREE Intuitive Eating Workshop
Get weekly email support from me to help you heal your relationship with food + body image
TRANSCRIPTIONEpisode 80: Body Image, Roller Skating & Owning Your Authenticity With Rubina Bernabe
Katelyn:
Okay, Miss Rubina Burnabe. Hello, welcome.
Rubina:
Oh, thank you so much. I was gonna say welcome back. I don't know why. It's my show now.
Katelyn:
It is your show now. From getting to know you already that doesn't surprise me You can have the show for this.
Rubina:
We only been on here for two and a half minutes and you already know. Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Katelyn:
That makes a lot of sense and I love that about you. I can't wait to hear your story. Let's dive right on it because there's so much to get into today. You ready?
Rubina:
Oh, absolutely.
Katelyn:
Okay, so we always start with the first question- your first body awareness moment. So my love What did that look like? That first moment where you realized I'm in a body and this apparently means something in the world that I'm living in? What did that look like for you? And also, how did that shape your relationship with your body moving forward and or food? Just share your story and take up space.
Rubina (body image story):
Yeah, thank you so much for even telling me to take up space. And that's the problem they've been telling us not to as women. Can you be as small as possible? Yes, the world we live in. And it's funny because I actually am one of the tiniest people you will ever meet. I am four nine, legit. I think I stopped growing in the fifth grade. A lot of things actually happened in the fifth grade. And that's actually my first real memory of like, oh, man, my body? Um, because two things. I'm Filipino. I call it Philippinyas. Because I'm such a yes person. But that's a whole others that have no in it. I like saying yes. So I changed it. Shape your environment. Basically, in the fifth grade I feel like I was really early on with this. I got my period. And that was like real awareness. I was like, Oh my god, what?? Is nobody else? You know? No, but this was happening to almost nobody else in my grade or in my age group. But in addition to getting my period and being Filipino, it was like in Tagalog, we say Oh, the Laguna which is like, oh, you're a lady now. And the culture is very ethno, if you know any Filipinos, but the culture is very honest. We're very honest, and almost blunt, it almost hurts. It's our culture to be very, you know, upfront with wanting one another. Like if you gain weight. And it doesn't matter what age you are, if you gain weight, they'll pinch the part of your body that you gain weight in, like they'll straight up just go up to you and pinch it. So I think the combination of me being Filipino and being in fifth grade and getting my period, I kind of was just all weird and crazy. And I remember, I don't know who in my family did it. And that's the part I don't remember. I must have blocked it out. But I remember being teased about, you know, parts of my body changing and feeling like I was already in the fifth grade, like I was overweight, and I'm four, nine. And I stopped growing in fifth grade. And that was when I remember feeling like oh my gosh, I hate using this word now, because I really try not to because it's so unnecessary. But I felt fat. Like I felt like I was fat. And if you saw pictures of me in fifth grade, you'd be like, you're a crazy person. And you're not wrong. But that's how I felt. I felt like I was fat. And then you know, I think coupled with having hormones all of a sudden, at nine years old it made for a bad combination.
Katelyn:
Yeah, that's really interesting. The expression I feel fat is, is so interesting to explore. Like when you know, fat is such an emotionally charged word that can actually be so helpful. And so healing when we can use it as a descriptor, and everybody has their own lived experience with it, but what you're referring to, I feel fat. What does that feel like?
Rubina:
Because technically, that is a descriptor. It might be a bad thing. Like, you know, there's a pH fat, remember pH fat- do you remember that fat? That was cool. Cool. Yeah. That was an emotion. Like an emotional descriptor.
Katelyn:
So how did that shape your relationship with your body moving forward, then from fifth grade being in this position where essentially, you're kind of done growing like you mentioned in terms of height wise, but your body is still developing and also your hormones are changing. You're becoming a woman? Yeah. What was your relationship with your body growing up?
Rubina:
Oh, man. It was I've, I really have not talked about this a lot. And it feels really exciting for whatever reason, because I just know how common it is. Because if I experienced it, I can't imagine now with social media, what people are experiencing, I would have the worst relationship with my body, like I remember already, because it started in fifth grade, I remember already, you know, in the years following in middle school, trying to kind of already limit what I eat, or watch what I eat. I remember, and this is so terrible, I would waste hard cooked meals that my mom would wake up early to make. Honestly, it brings me to tears when I think about how terrible it was when I wasted food because I didn't want to eat it in fear of gaining weight. And that's, you know, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. And now I carried it into high school for sure, high school was probably the worst, that's when I, I shifted from being in private school to being in public school, which changed basically, me being able to wear like a uniform, which didn't matter, you know, you couldn't really everyone looked the same. And then in public school, everyone wearing it was a whole new world. I was like, Oh, my gosh, people are showing their midriff and like, it was crazy. And I remember then that's, I definitely starved myself, I would try and I would sometimes even This is terrible. This is so terrible. I would chew food, and just to taste it, and then spit it out. like wow, like, Oh, I don't know if I've ever even admitted that to myself, but the wasting of food. Now when I think about it, just because how often I did that, and how, how many years just to avoid, avoid, just to prevent any kind of weight gain, which is, so I can't even believe the things we convince ourselves because of the society we live in, you know, and I grew up obviously, in Los Angeles. And I, I don't know if I can say this, but I feel like some of the most beautiful people are here, which is amazing and great. But then it's terrible for you, as a person growing up here, sometimes because of comparison, you know, you're constantly comparing. It's just the combination of me already having this complex and then growing up in a place that hyper focuses on your looks. My relationship with my body was just so toxic, so toxic. I'm laughing now because luckily, I've made it to the other side. But there were many times I cried over it.
Katelyn:
Mm hmm. Yeah, well, you're you're not alone with that. That is for sure. What was it like in your family Rubina? Because you mentioned before, the culture is pretty blunt. And in terms of body image, they're not really shy about holding back opinions and whatnot, then in your immediate family or possibly even into your extended family. Were bodies something that we're talked about regularly? Was it something that was kind of measured in terms of value or worthiness? Or what was the relationship that your family had with body image talk or dieting?
Rubina:
It's It's weird to think about because in Filipino culture, you're encouraged to eat like you have to eat like if you go to a party and you don't eat it's disrespectful. Or if somebody if your auntie or your Tita don't they make you a meal and you don't finish the whole thing. It's disrespectful. But on the other hand, they will full-on make fun of you. If they see you, you've gained weight, it doesn't even make any sense. Honestly, um, and this is the first time I really compared those to like, wait, they would say, you have to eat and then if you ate enough, and you gained a little bit of weight somehow even if it's really were the holidays, they would chastise you for it. I mean, I don't want to say I hate attacking the Filipino culture because there are parts of it. That's really great with the bluntness and you know, we don't beat around the bush, that's great. But then there are parts where even with mental health as the Filipino like they don't acknowledge that as a thing. And you know, that needs to be taken care of and dieting in the Philippines or when they're in our culture is kind of like the how do they say it there's a there's a saying, oh, there's they'd say, mug reduce shot like she's reducing her intake, but they would make fun of you even for dieting, but I think it's because we're just a very I don't know, it's like poke fun culture. Some of it is really you know, light hearted and fun and it keeps it light but then some of it if you are not in the right state of mind is really that harmful to your, your entire being especially growing up because you're like, this is funny, but now I'm insecure. Yeah.
Katelyn:
Yeah, well, it makes sense, the way you're describing it. I'm sure that there is this sense of not feeling safe in your own body when it's kind of on display to be commented on all the time. And especially in such a young, impressionable age growing up, where you already have the pressures of school and just the emotional ups and downs of hormonal changes and all those things like you mentioned before, to, to not really feel like you have the boundaries for yourself. That makes a lot of sense. What’s like the body standard that the Filipino culture strives for typically? Is it a certain body size?
Rubina:
Oh, yeah, definitely. It's even your skin color also. So this is a whole other thing. But yeah, that's about it. They have whitening lotions, and like whitening soaps and whitening like, it is not uncommon to go into someone's house in the Philippines, and they'll have whitening products, not for your teeth, they don't care about that. It's for your skin. Because it's a sign of class, basically, you have lighter skin, that means you're not, you know, working in the rice fields. But even it's such a fine boundary to because, you know, the Philippines is a third world country where a lot of people are skinny, but that's not exactly by choice, you know, out of, you know, scarcity, but as far as image wise, what matters to them. This is specific, specifically about like a Filipino, what they idealize as like a woman, it's definitely the light skin. Skinny, but with curves. Mm hmm. Yeah, let me have it all please. Jeez, I'm skinny. But with curves, and even the nose, even the nose is something you have to be like, if your nose is flatter, you'll be made fun of then if your nose is more, you know, colonial eyes like, pointy, it's crazy. The image, they focus a lot on image as well, but different things than we do. I would say sometimes.
Katelyn:
Did you grow up with sisters?
Rubina:
I have one sister. Yes.
Katelyn:
So how was your relationship with her growing up? Did the two of you talk about this at all? Or did you talk about this with any friends at school? Or did you feel like this is something that you kind of had to figure out on your own in terms of body image and just that cultural narrative that we're talking about right now, too.
Rubina:
I really wish I did talk to anyone about any of it. I really held all of it in. And it came to a point when I was I think, I don't know, if I was a junior, where I had to basically go see a therapist because I was holding all this in from like fifth grade. You know, it was a long timet. And I don't it's not because anybody had, you know, made me feel like I couldn't. I just am somebody, I've always been somebody who tried to handle things by themselves. I don't know why. But we never talked about it. We talk about it now, which is great. But we never talked about it growing up. But also we were three years apart. And we weren't very close. We argued a lot as you do as teenage sisters. But we didn't really start getting close or talking about anything as far as being a woman and growing up in those hardships. Until you know we were in our 20s. But growing up together as sisters in this. I think I remember being jealous because she had a different figure than I did. I remember feeling like I felt like I was inferior in appearance for sure. She was the pretty one with a nice body and I was just short and stumpy and whatever.
Katelyn:
Hmm. So what's the role that you assumed in the family? What were you, what was kind of the identity that that you coined for yourself?
Rubina:
I was a tomboy. It just felt safer, you know, and I 100% went all in on the tomboy. I had short hair, short, short, short hair in eighth grade, no other. Nobody else in my school had that hair. And I just assumed the role of I guess it would be easier that way than to try and be something I clearly was not.
Katelyn:
Ah, that's so interesting. So it's almost like perfectionism getting to heart of it. Like, well, if I don't try then I can't fail.
Rubina:
Oh my god. Are you a therapist? This feels like a therapy session right now. Because that is so accurate. I barely let go of the perfectionism thing, but I grew up 100% with that mindset of, well, I can't fail if I don't try.
Katelyn:
Mmm hmm, alright. So it's quite an untangling process.
Rubina:
I think I'm going to be entangled in it for the rest of my life.
Katelyn:
Exactly. There's no shame here at all. Let's bring it back to that moment where you realize that it was necessary to reach out to get some support. So you mentioned you were like, a junior in high school, right? Yeah. So what was the moment like for you where you made that decision?
Rubina:
Ah, this was after I thought low key nobody would know. But I was like, starving myself a little bit. It was just so crazy- I would calorie count and I would run uphill in the heat. Really not safe things to do to yourself just to try and be more quote-unquote, fit or feminine. Um, and junior year. I don't know if you remember this, or if anybody else remembers, but it's like one of the harder years of high school.
Katelyn:
God hands down right. Yes. Saying that I personally- yes, that's when shit hit the fan for me too. But yes, that is your story. So what did that look like? Because it really shit hit the fan for me.
Rubina:
Oh, I was like, Fuck this. I remember feeling so worthless. My God worthless is the right phrase. Um, I was sitting in my closet, crying and just not wanting to even exist. And I don't even I can't even remember what it was that made me feel that way. Exactly. It was my first time experiencing being bullied also, because I wasn't in the sheltered private school anymore. And I was in a public school. But I don't remember anything. Particularly the I just remember being like sitting in the closet. Crying, sobbing and not wanting to even be Oh my gosh. Oh, it's like hitting me right now. I forgot that. That moment existed. You know you can bury that stuff.
Katelyn:
Oh, yeah. Did you just say you were bullied?
Rubina:
Yeah, I did get bullied. Late in high school. Because Um, well, I don't know if you can tell. Maybe it's not very obvious, but I'm very out there. I've got it all done. Yes. Hi, I'm Rubina. I've just always been so myself that it was hard growing up, because I am not like anybody else. Only everybody can say that. I know. But I really am not. I'm really not in. I'm not afraid to, you know, be myself and be out there. And I remember it being a problem at the high school I went to because it was such I don't know if I can say the place. I really don't think you should send your kids there. Westlake High School- do not send your kids there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just not.
Katelyn:
Oh, if I get hit with a lawsuit, I'll just send it to you.
Rubina:
I'll talk to them. No, okay. You can send your kids there, but it's gonna be a lot to unpack later on in life. It's very rich, it's like something from a movie. You know, very, the kids the 16 year olds for the sweet 16 would get a Mercedes. And you know, it was all about appearance and money and the haves and the have nots. And I have not and have never. And I was bullied for being me basically. 100% for being me. It wasn't even like because I was short. Which I honestly would have rather you picked on that because you're not wrong. But it was for me being so out there and being so confident in my being a weirdo.
Katelyn:
Would people verbally attack you or was it more physical? Like what kind of bullying?
Rubina:
Oh, um, it was I would walk home from school and people would try to scare me and honk at me while I was walking, you know, like, I would be in the middle of the street and the car. Because it was you would have a cross where all the high schoolers leave and exit the parking lot. And they would just basically try and make me feel threatened. While I was walking on the sidewalk, or even across the street, they would honk and say things. Um, it was, it was, Oh, man. The guy is famous now. So it's kind of crazy. I'm not gonna lie. Well, we won't say his name even though, ya know? But he traumatized me. And it's weird to see him now doing his thing, which also makes sense, because, you know, but that this is the high school. This is the high school where Yeah.
Katelyn:
Well, but you were brave enough to ask for support. So what did that look like for you moving out of the closet? That moment of just rock bottom-ness? And actually, did you ask your parents? Do you research it on your own? Like, what was the next step for you?
Rubina:
No, I didn't even want to go. To be honest, I didn't think my dad actually found me and was like, You are not okay. And I remember not even wanting, I still didn't even want to go and the lady, the therapist that I went to, and this is what I'm realizing now, she made me feel even worse, to be honest. Because every time I went, she would forget the things that we talked about. And I felt even more unheard, unseen and invaluable. But I, somehow, I mean, thank God, my dad, my dad is the one who, I didn't really care for anyone else to see me that way. And my mom, and I didn't have a good relationship for me to be like, Mom, you know, being able, no, it really was like, I had been caught in the act of crying, and then had to confess, and then he made sure that I wasn't gonna do anything crazy. Oh, my gosh, I don't even- this is one of the first times I've ever talked about this. And it's kind of freeing, but also, I hadn't even realized how my childhood or my high school life had been so terrible. I really hadn't realized, you know, yeah, I mean, I…
Katelyn:
I am so appreciative of you sharing. And I think so many people I know in this community will be able to hear this and really feel seen and heard just by you sharing your story. So, I mean, I certainly appreciate it. And there's so much shame that goes to these memories that we bury so deeply. And also, it's really confronting when we start to talk about them. But God, there's, there's so much healing in sharing our stories. And it really crushes shame when we do that. And it also invites other people to heal for themselves as well. So when do you feel like you reached a point where you could kind of start to see a light, and you could start to see yourself really healing and turning a corner with all of this? When did that happen?
Rubina:
Oh, fairly recently, honestly. And I think that's what I really want to make sure people know is it's a journey. It's not like, wake up one day, and you're like, I'm all good. No, it's every single day having to choose to fight for yourself, you know, um, I think this was, so I had that low point. But then I had another low point, which was my low, low, low point. And I had gotten a DUI. And that's really when my life turned around, which is why I feel the need to share it because I feel most people think that your life is over when that happens. But if you can choose correctly, I don't wanna say correctly, but if you can choose what's good for yourself after that, then there's still a chance you still have a fighting chance. But it was after the DUI when I really realized because obviously, there's like Middle School, then there's the high school and then, you know, there's college where you're binge eating, binge drinking, doing all these things, you know, my weight has fluctuated up and down and up, down. I remember feeling really, really good because I had lost a lot of weight and then feeling really, really terrible. And then getting it back. It was never it was always up and down. They call me rollercoaster rubes. And it is a fact. I've always been on a roller coaster, with my weight, with my emotions and with how I express myself. But it was really only after I got the DUI that I really like turned myself and the way I looked at myself and the way I thought and saw the world and again myself and took control over it and realized I get to shape and choose my reality. You know, it's people will always have something to say. And there will always be something going on. There will always be something that tells you you shouldn't or you can't and it might even be you telling yourself that you shouldn't or you can't. But having to choose and realize only you can choose how you see yourself and how, how the rest of your life will play out. It was not hitting that rock bottom again, that low really low point of what am I doing? And do I want to keep doing this?
Katelyn:
Yeah. So what were some of the changes that you started to make when you hit that?
Rubina:
Oh, almost immediately. It was a toxic relationship. I was like this has gotta go. This is clearly not where a lot of me wanted to blame it on him. But the real growth was when I realized you were choosing to be in this relationship.
Katelyn:
You know, that's really the weight of personal responsibility.
Yes, yes, definitely. Yes. It's so much easier to blame other people like I want to blame Oh, I was bullied or Oh, I yeah, okay. It is true, and you're not wrong. But at some point, what happens after, after the event, or trauma is, it's up to you, oh, I'm an I am a big. I'm a big believer in having to choose for yourself. And realizing it's almost 99% of the time how you react. That is the big deal over what actually happened. It's how you deal after it, you know, because it's it, whatever it is, it is what it is, and how, and what you choose to do after that is really what shapes your reality and your future.
Katelyn:
100%. And this isn't bypassing emotions, either,, you still get to feel everything, you still have to go through the emotional process and the full spectrum and take your time with it. But it's also like, this is true for me too, in my own journey. And it's definitely not always, not always, like complete or close to perfect. But it's, it's just coming back to that choice and deciding for yourself. And those are the big leve-upl moments. I consider them to be at least where things really change radically. So how did they change for you like actually getting to this place where you adopted this mindset of taking personal responsibility? You let go of this toxic relationship- did you get additional support? What were some of the other things that that shifted?
Rubina:
The toxic relationship was the big big one. I started exercising for myself, it was a form of escape. And obviously, that can go there's balance, everything is balanced, right? Everything balance. I also ended up going way too far with that. Because I feel like you know, you get rid of something and you fill it with something else with another obsession. So I went too far with that. But it did actually help me to have that balance. Now if you know, you don't need to work out every day to feel like you're gonna stay healthy. It's more that I try to focus on what my body knows, which tells me when I'm trying to listen to it. But I started exercising. And I had never done that before, which is so crazy because my first thought was okay, I'm going to just not eat rather than let me exercise. How old was I- might have been like 25 when I finally started exercising, you know, and it became part of my routine. It was something I did to replace the person and the time that I would have spent with that person. And then I also finally started cooking for myself. I had never really done that I always went out to eat and I was also this is hard because when you're a bartender I was a bartender it's that toxic environment of you eat late he garbage drink that makes sense why I got the DUI now maybe it goes it all goes together that's why I have no shame because you know it's all part of it's all part of it. I really wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't say part of your story and you owning it is powerful. Yeah. But I started investing in myself. I still think I should go to therapy. I think everyone should go to therapy, but I started taking it upon myself to really when I felt an emotion or something instead of dealing with it in a way that was otherwise obviously unhealthy or not really helpful in the long run. I would talk to myself. So I guess instead of going to see a therapist, I would just start talking to myself, which sounds crazy, but it is something people need to normalize and start doing is ask yourself, you know, in the middle of a thought be like, why are you thinking like this? Why are you doing this to yourself? I asked myself a lot- I’ll be like Rubina? No, we talked about this, I would call myself out, because I think that's what we need. We need somebody who calls us out on it. And it needs to be, weirdly enough yourself. Because who are you around the most to you orderly,
Katelyn:
Oh, my God, I've actually adopted a, like, really succinct self talk practice over this past year with COVID, with everything getting so quiet, but really like specific inner dialogue. And it's just been a big, big, big, helpful tool in my toolkit that I've really appreciated. Yeah, I'm on board. I feel like it's so powerful. I'm curious how you untangled some of the cultural narratives that were so interwoven in your story. So the mental health aspect- actually getting to this place where you were seeking mental health, your mental health help, and you were also doing the work yourself. And also, the new narrative for your body and how you were showing up in the world and your body and possibly how you were commenting or not on other people's bodies? Where, where did you start to untangle some of that? And did that change any of your relationships in your family? What was the process like for you?
Rubina:
So the family part was a big one and it was actually cutting a lot of them out. Which is I feel like taboo, you know, they're like, Oh, it's your family. But I don't necessarily believe that someone deserves to be in your life just because of blood. You know, I agree. Super toxic. ideal to have just because you know, someone is related to you means that they deserve your time or your energy. Um, what happened with that actually is Oh, man, my story's crazy, I feel Should I circle back to being about my body? Because this is…
Katelyn:
Oh, it's all part of your story. Go for it.
Rubina:
My mom had had a brain aneurysm that ruptured. I was 20. No, no, I wasn't 20. I was 19. And it's a very long story. I'll try and bullet point it. But basically, my mom and my dad had been separated for like 10 years. So they never really got divorced. And that side of the family, my mom's side of the family is the only family we have here because my dad and all his family are still in the Philippines. So it's just that's the family I grew up with. So when I talk about people in my life growing up making fun of me or teasing me, even just for me being myself, or other than that, gaining weight, or whatever it was my mom's side of the family. And so when my mom had a brain aneurysm, that side of the family took it upon themselves to make sure that my dad didn't have a say they didn't like this is a very long time that they did not like him, he would never, they they just didn't like him at all. Obviously, he and my mom weren't together, but they were not cordial. And oh, in the middle of that, to make sure that my dad was wasn't going to have a say on my mom, they took us to court to make sure that they want the conservatorship and this is when obviously me and my sister are going through it, we don't know what's gonna happen with their mom, and they decide to take us to court just to make sure that we don't have to say, so that gives you enough idea of who they are as family. Because it really easily could have been me and my sister that were, you know, the concert conservators I was 19 she was 23 but that that whole experience made it where we just did not associate with them anymore, which at the time, I felt hurt and upset because I felt like how are you turning your back on me right now when I'm possibly need you the most. But now looking back on this is I'm always you know, blessing in disguise kind of person. Those are people I did not need in my life that made me feel even more insecure about my body about me being myself about me being you know, expressive, and this person being Rubina and I'm, that's probably one of the better things to come out of my mom having her brain here. I reason we did end up losing the conservatorship that was the worst part but it sealed the deal. Me never speaking to them again. And that did help me become more me, you know that me? Let go of the I guess, the box they were trying to put me in?
Katelyn:
Yeah. Isn't that interesting because at the beginning, you said, should we tie it back to my body image story. And I just think it's so fascinating how we tend to think that our body image stories are just about our bodies. And, it's such a deep holistic overview of all of these components that contribute to how we feel in our bodies. And this is a great example of your own story illuminating this part. So I'm so glad that you are able to create the boundaries that you needed to feel fully expressed and just embodied in yourself and also facilitating a path to deepen your relationships with your family members that you kept in your life to and your friendships. So that's amazing. How is your body image these days, and I also am dying to hear about roller skating. So however you want to however direction you want to take it, go.
Rubina:
Body image of how I think of myself now, what's your relationship with your body, like these days, oh, man, I love her. Bless her for getting me up in the morning for putting air in my lungs. And for me having legs that can get me to roller skate. You know, I can't even believe how cruel I was to myself and to my body growing up. And I always say, you know, it's never too late. It's never too late. And I'm so grateful to be on this other side now, because I you know, there are times when I fall into the comparison, especially now, because I become a skating influencer of some sort, you know, compared to other bodies that I see. But the cool part about the roller skating community is that there, it's so inclusive, there is every kind of roller skater you can imagine you you know, at size, shape, color, every time and is such an inclusive community and predominantly women that it is one of I want to say it's one of the most amazing communities you can ever be a part of. And it has 100% helped me with my own perception of obviously how I look. Yeah, that's the easy part. But mentally, physically and emotionally. Roller Skating has changed my life, and how I see myself and what I think I'm capable of. There's something real about starting to try something because roller skating is really just you versus you if you're going to be able to do the things that you see other girls doing. And you want to do that thing. It's really on you whether you do it, it's not about whether you're capable, it's whether you're going to put in the work because everyone can do it. And it is really the way I get so emotional thinking about it because every girl or person doesn't even matter who roller skates can tell you how much it changes your the way you see yourself and and the way you kind of see the world too. Because it's a literal fall down nine times get up 10 situation literally and when you can apply that that physical part to your mindset it opens up so many doors.
Katelyn:
Oh I need a pair of rollerskates.
Rubina:
I'm not even kidding you you uh yes you do because it's life changing and just the it's the closest I think as a human being you will ever get to flying or feeling like you're flying on the ground.
Katelyn:
Oh my God, I absolutely need a pair that I mean that's like my life goal to fly. I also love how you're painting the picture of this community Rubina because this is so incredibly important as it relates to our embodiment practices and making peace with our bodies and just our relationships with our bodies but how we show up in them the communities that facilitate support and expression and just being comfortable in your skin. I mean, it's so interesting in your story, how this shifted when you were in a community with some of these family members and at school as well who really hindered this part of yourself and then finding this community in rollerskating that has enhanced it. And it's just such a great example that I think so many people will hear and resonate with and hopefully feel inspired by it and create for themselves that it's not black and white. It's not either or it's both and, and it's you choosing for yourself, it's you creating an opportunity to put yourself in communities and environments that really facilitate you as you your fullest expression that want to enhance your light versus dim it down.
Rubina:
So oh my gosh, that is the saying, I always say, I'm not gonna lie to you right now. I'm tearing up thinking about how much this has changed my life. And how much I know. I hadn't had I hadn't experienced anything like this before, you know, and a lot of people don't even in their lifetime get to find something like this that just lights their soul on fire and, you know, enhances their light versus, like you said, dimming it. I always say never let anyone dim your light. Because I spent 25 years having no I want to say like 90% of my life being dumbed down by people being told that I am too much or you know, I'm not enough or you need to change this. And you shouldn't do that. And this, the roller skating community is your ultimate hype. Team. There is nothing you can do. Well, I mean, obviously we're in this part two we're gung ho on, on everyone being included and rights and all that LGBTQ and all that we are, we are for the people. And by the people. Were hardcore about that as a community, which I love as well. We're like, you can't be racist here. We're not, we're not gonna stand for that shit. But get out, you know. But as, and I mentioned, that is like, majority female. But that's the part that's so empowering. Because, you know, I feel like the history girls get a bad rap for being catty, or, you know, not being able to, you know, it always being competition. But this is, weirdly enough, the one community, I feel like that isn't about competition at all, we're hyping each other up constantly. You know, there's so many different types of roller skaters and styles of roller skating, and all over the world. And I guess you could say this about a lot of other niches, but something about roller skating, you are instantly connected to the other person because you know, the shit they had to go through to be able to do what they're doing. You know, there's that mutual respect and understanding, I always call it an alternate reality, because you just know, once you put on a pair of rollerskates, you fully understand what it took for that person you see doing that thing to get there. And I wish we would apply this to regular life. Because why don't we just understand in general, everyone's going through something, you know, I feel like it's a roller skating metaphor for the way the world could be. So I always say, Man, if everybody roller skated, the world would be a better place. Because there is something about it that just makes you understand people in the world better. And yourself.
Katelyn:
How did you discover this? Did you grow up roller skating? How did you get plugged into the community?
Rubina:
Girl, I am only a year into roller skating. So it's not even been that long, but I can't imagine my life without it. I'm what you would call a pandemic roller skater or pandemic roller as they coined it. Okay, here because of course there are people who've been doing it for years. And this goes into a whole other thing about people saying, oh, roller skating is making a comeback and we're like, bitch No, it's not that black people have been roller skating for years. It was their escape roller rinks and all that. That's a whole other topic but it for me, I know that this is something that's been around for a while and I just feel lucky to even join it now even though I'm it's been around forever and I'm only a year deep but I I am a lifer now, and I think that's what happens. I think that's what you realize when you start roller skating is like there's no way you're not going to do this for any other part of your life.
Katelyn:
Did a friend introduce it to you? Did you see somebody else doing it? Did you get a gift? Like, how did you start?
Rubina:
I guess you could say that I didn't even have any interest. God bless my sister Christine. I call her crazy. We call each other polen don't ask questions. It's not to go look I made that up. Because I'm This is why Yeah. plon found a pair of roller skates in her size and my size and this is when roller skates were equated to gold basically, like you could not find your size in or a style in any shop and she went the one day. This is where it comes full circle. Are you ready? Yes. The one day Pigeons roller skate shop was open during that month, that's when she went and she got me a pair of skates. And that is the shop that I now am sponsored by and work for. Oh, wow, you want a pair of rollerskates I didn't even care. But she went into that shop. She didn't want to do it by herself. So she got me a pair. We put them on three days later, and I have not taken them off since.
Katelyn:
Okay. Okay, so this could be like another three hour podcast episode. I have so many questions. The main thing that is coming up is okay, this happened in the past year. So what's, what's the cliffnotes version of this story? You quit your full time job to become a full time roller skater? How did you get a sponsorship? I mean, clearly, you're really good at this. And you would never roller skated before.
Rubina:
So I told you that I had started exercising a while ago that helped me during the pandemic. I started, I didn't want to just only eat and I decided I wanted to at least stay a little bit active. So I would, you know, try and do some workouts. But the pandemic of course, that I needed something else to do. And I was furloughed twice, I lost my job. And then I got another job. And then I got furloughed again, because we went into lockdown. And then I just decided, you know what, I'm just gonna skate because I don't have shit else to do. Accompanying that there were I saw on Instagram because obviously, we were on social media a lot. God bless social media during the pandemic, it kept us connected weirdly. I decided to start a whole other Instagram, because I had one personal one, just to document or kind of video my journey. So I would just go, you know, day one, this is what I'm doing whatever. And a lot of it was a thing in the community. And that's where the community became really big as everyone was documenting and sharing their journey. So I decided to share my real journey, you know, the failures, the falls and all just be me being exactly myself, because at this point, I had literally nothing else to lose. job. I had just gone through a breakup. It was you know, I had nothing else to lose. And I was like, screw it. I'm just gonna put myself out there. I don't even care if one person, one person, waves. I speak English, if one person even sees this, so I started an account it um, it kind of took off. I did. I basically just started doing tutorials to help people. I called them beginner for beginner tutorials, basically where I claimed I'm no, I'm not professional. But if I can do this, you can do this. So I shared that. And then in one month, from September to October, my account grew to 10,000 followers. Yeah, it was crazy. And then, from there, you know, it was mostly the tutorials. I think that helped me grow so quickly, but I had still been, you know, sharing exactly who and how I am. And it just kind of became like, kind of like a vlog, and me sharing. You know, how my mindset is and how I just be we're like, how are you not afraid to fall and like guy already fell 1000 times in my lifetime. This isn't shit. You want to really fall. So you know, and I was thinking, getting the DUI and losing my mom and like all that. So, yeah.
Katelyn:
Wow. It really is a metaphor for life.
Rubina:
Exactly. Exactly. And then, I guess, Pigeon who god bless her- that's my boss, lady. We love her Pigeon- found my account because I had been tagging her a little bit at her shop because I was like, this is where I got my skates. You know, I was excited. And she liked what I was doing. She asked me if there's any way she could support me continuing to make my content. And then that's when I eventually she's like, you know what, I'm going to start an influencer team. So I got on that team. Basically, she sponsors us with anything that we need. And then, you know, that turned into a whole other conversation. Because I started bartending again. I hated it because people were worse than ever. No, post-pandemic, y'all are terrible to the servers, the server's not servants, but okay. So I hated it. She was aware of that. She loved what I did with my own account and wanted me to end up doing it with hers. And then I decided, I'm going to go all in, I'm going to be a content creator. I'm going to keep doing this thing. And I'm going to be her social media manager. And I finally left the bartending scene.
Katelyn:
Oh my god. Yeah. Amazing. I mean, this is honestly hearing your story. This is in flow like this is you just taking inspired action. Yeah, seeing yourself showing up unapologetically taking the next step, not 10 steps ahead, being super clear with where the expectation bars are in your life, all of these things that I try to practice in my life and really speak to a lot in this community and with clients and whatnot. But your story is such a great example of all of this. And really just like your life opening up, because you're showing up for yourself so much, this is fabulous.
Rubina:
It feels fabulous, honestly, like my eyes tear up when I think about it, because like, if you asked me 10 years ago, if I thought I would have ever made it out, and being happy, I'm so genuinely happy, like, it brings me to tears to think about how happy I am. And it's like, my first time ever really being single too, because I had always gone from relationship to relationship because, you know, it was a source of what is would it be, you know, fulfillment of feeling value and having someone else make me feel like, I'm worth something rather than me knowing I am just being me. Oh, it's really crazy that, you know, the first time I am single, and finally letting go of feeling like I need to be a perfectionist and letting go of worrying about feeling and letting go of any expectation I had put on me by other people and put on myself because of those other people. And seeing how if you really let go of those things, and let yourself just be in believing yourself. That sounds so I hate the “belief in yourself” saying, believe me, but like for real, like no damn self, and your ship changes.
Katelyn:
Yeah, I feel the same way too. It's so cliche but I mean, yes, it's so basic, but it really is so true. So how do you manage comparison because you're in it in your content creation and your social media game and I mean, this is your job. So any practices that you can offer this community or tools that you use in terms of just really taking care of your mental health and emotional health?
Rubina:
Oh, yes. especially in this day and age because we're all on social media and you know, on social media is partially comparison that's like the name of the game you know, it's making making you feel like I wish I had that or FOMO is what people profit off now you know, you're missing out but I always tell myself I have to I've had to pull myself and be like Rubina you cannot miss what is meant for you. There is no missing out on what is meant for you. It's already yours. And when I find myself comparing because you know, from time to time I do and I always say comparison is the thief of joy you are doing to yourself. Because just because someone else is doing something doesn't mean that what you're doing doesn't have the same purpose or caliber or potential. I feel like comparison really is the thief of joy. So when I catch myself looking at other peoples and being and why is this like this or why doesn't mind do as well, I'm I stopped myself in the middle of that thought I pull myself I put my phone down. And sometimes this is gonna sound like a crazy person because do you know what I am? I don't like saying crazy, like a bad thing. Crazy, is great. You know, we're all a little crazy. Let's normalize crazy. I will lay down flat on back on the floor and I'll have to pull myself out and I'll be like Rubina. I am grateful. I am humbled. And I am blessed. And I'll say that, you know, a couple times to myself to the point where I'm like, What are you doing silly? You're so silly. We are so silly to compare ourselves to other people. Because it doesn't even make sense when you think about it. When you think about comparing yourself to someone else who one is not you did not go through the same things as you have a totally different path, purpose and journey. Why would you have the same, you know, we don't even make sense. Even when they try to put us in the same box. It doesn't make sense for any of us to have the same goal. Because we all don't have the same purpose. We're not all you know, given the same gifts like you are you and you your gift in your power is in you being you so harness that shit, and then see what happens.
Katelyn:
Yeah, oh, I love that. That's a great exercise. It's a really great grounding exercise. You know, it's like, physically, mentally and emotionally. And the thing about social media, it's so one dimensional. It's just one little blip. It doesn't tell the whole story, even though we kind of coined it as this storytelling app. It really doesn't, you know, and so, what looks amazing, we don't really know what goes on behind closed doors for that person. And so that's important, just the perspective of comparison as well as to just acknowledge this is one frame. Yeah, moving forward, and also to keep it in mind, like, yes, we get to connect and build community and feel inspired and all of these things. And just like you're saying, when that comparison creeps in grounding ourselves and bringing, bringing things back to reality. This is, I mean, this is so inspiring. I want to buy a pair of rollerskates. Now,
Rubina:
I did my job, I have a code. I mean, like, I do have code, but...
Katelyn:
Please share, please share your code, please share wherever we can buy roller skates and also, okay, let's just wrap this conversation up, even though I want to talk to you more with the next step. So everyone is like, get me roller skates Where do they go? How do they start? What besides, I know you have all your tutorials and everything. But if people are like, I'm not on social media, tell me in my ears right now. Where do I go? How do I actually get a roller skating practice and find the community that's going to facilitate this amazing life?
Rubina:
Oh, I got you. Okay. Because I am serious. It will change your life the way you see yourself the way you see. Yes, everybody needs a pair of rollerskates, one I'm serious about.. Because the other cool part is you can bring them anywhere. Think about that. You can bring them anywhere on the call at a skate keishon it can come in if it is a total. I don't like calling it a mental vacation. Because when you're on your skates, it's a totally different world. So Pigeons roller skate shop that is the shop that sponsors me that is the shop that has helped me change my entire life.
Katelyn:
So cute- honestly their website like everyone has to go to this website. It is so great.
Rubina:
Pigeonskates.com or you can follow us on Instagram. I'm managing that account. And my code is RUBES in all caps. That's our u B as in Bravo, e. s rubes and that'll save you 5% on your entire purchase. So you can get your safety gear. You can get a helmet you can get. You can get your skates, you can get different wheels, depending on where you're gonna skate. And if you are going to skate here are my top three things. Okay. I shouldn't say if when you do, let's manifest this when you see when you choose to skate. This is what really helped me was treating it like it was my own dance floor. So music helps me- I always say focus on the groove, not the move. If you're hyper focused on trying to learn a specific move. One, it's not fun. And two, it doesn't work that way. You have to let your body feel what it's like to be on skates. So it's all because it's all about balance, too. This is what everyone always does wrong. I think everybody always stares at their feet thinking they need to see what their feet are doing. But when you walk you know how to walk without looking at your feet. Right? So look ahead, I always say Look, don't look down, look ahead at the future of you roller skating. And that would correct your posture and 100% you'll already be a better skater than a lot of people who are looking at their feet, it changes everything. So don't look down, look ahead, focus on the groove, not the move. And safety gear like obviously your body, your choice, your body your choice, but you feel less afraid to go for it. If you have some safety gear. So the mental block, it really helps with that because you have to get over the fact that you will fall.
Katelyn:
Yeah, I mean, that's my fear right now, I just said to everybody, I'm going to roller skate. And my next thought was actually just kidding. What am I break something?
Rubina:
But what if you fly?
Katelyn:
I know but what if I end up in the hospital?
Rubina:
I always- and this is probably one of my videos- I mentioned how I have a real fear because I didn't have health insurance. So that's real. But I, I always tell people, once you understand that you will fall like a fully that you will. And it is 100% part of it. It doesn't mean that you suck it just means that you're new and there's room for improvement. Like what if we looked at life that way? Instead of thinking when someone gives us a no, we were like, Okay, nevermind, I'm never gonna do it again. Or we thought maybe I'll try some other way. You know?
Katelyn:Yeah, well and also options. So what you're saying about the safety here, like that makes me feel better I can get on board with that. There's, there's not, it's not all or nothing. It's not like you're falling in the hospital or not skating at all. It's right you can get a helmet and safety pads and practice falling and being okay and all the things So, okay, so all of this is great and Pigeons has this and where do people get plugged into a skating community? Is there a website or like Facebook support groups or something? How do people find amazing communities wherever they live?
Rubina:
Oh, I've been actually trying to help a lot of people with that. Because some people do struggle with that. Sometimes there are meetups that you'll see posted online and a lot of people do classes or if there are rinks, like if you ever come, you'll, you wouldn't even know that you had a rink in your community until you started skating, trust me, because I didn't even know. But there are rinks, there are skate parks. It's so and this is really where it matters. There's so many different styles of skating too, I like to jam skate, I like to dance and listen to music, like that's my style of skating. And that's a lot easier because you can go to a rink now, there are other more hardcore things like skate parks, where you can go there and I went to a skate park and is, it's honestly one of the most welcoming places people are willing to show you. You know what to do, and how to do something. And even in terms of, you know, the community, a lot of it, because I obviously, like I said, found it. During the pandemic, I found a lot of people online by having an Instagram account. But if you even go anywhere, let's say it is a rink though, the rink culture is amazing. It's so beautiful. It's so inviting. It's not how it sounds like oh man, how do I find a community just go wherever there are skaters and it is an instant community. I mean that when I say it, it's not that there's no weirdness at all about your skill, your level and all wheels are welcome. And people want to help you. So the communities kind of built into you having a pair of skates. And then just in wherever you live finding, you know, a rink or skate park or whatever style you want to do and going there. Obviously, the internet is where you will find if there are meetups. That's, I don't know if they're posted in the newspaper or something. Do people do that?
Katelyn:
Probably, but there's resources out there. So I, I know I think this is a great starting point for everybody and for myself to just to a clear next step. So Oh, my God, you are amazing.
Rubina:
Thank you. You're amazing.
Katelyn:
Seriously, thank you for sharing your story and just going here with us and having these hard conversations and also expressing yourself- showing up just as you are and I'm just so excited for you and you being in this place in your life. And I will absolutely let you know when I get my first pair of skates. I will come meet you for a lesson.
Rubina:
Yes, because you live in SoCal. I totally go. I'm so excited.
Katelyn:
Where can I find you? Rubina, where can people get in your world?
Rubina:
@rollercoastinrubes is my Instagram name. And please come and find me and follow me and we can chat and I will help you and have tutorials. And it's not even just you know about like I said, you don't have to be gung ho like I'm gonna skate every day. It's not even about that. It's just realizing skating can be your me time, it's your time for you. It's the time where you challenge yourself. And you prove to yourself you can do this and it's whole journey, in and of itself, a self journey and a self love journey at that. And yeah, Instagram is mostly where I'm at. I just started a Tiktok but I do I am 32 and it's, it's hard. I thought that I'm not. I feel like I don't wanna say you're too old for anything ever. But you know, it's a younger generation. And I'm, I'm figuring that out but Instagram is where I will actually interact with you and we can help however I can. Not just on skates but in life.
Katelyn:
Love. We’lll link everything in the show notes to keep it super simple. Thank you so much love. This was great.
Rubina:
Thank you so much Katelyn. I appreciate you. Thank you for creating a safe space and letting me take up space.
Katelyn:
Definitely.