Episode 98: How To Stop Scale Drama SOLO EPISODE
Episode 98: How To Stop Scale Drama SOLO EPISODE
In this episode we sit down with....your host, Katelyn Parsons.
Katelyn Parsons is a Certified Intuitive Eating + Body Image Coach, Speaker, and host of the weekly podcast, Body Truth.
After years of struggling with bulimia and disordered eating, she not only found recovery but recognized a crucial missing link in the wellness industry- empowerment + individual sustainability around health. This inspired her entrepreneurial journey and life mission to shift the conversation toward healing our relationship with food and body.
For the past 4 years, Katelyn has helped countless creative leaders transform their relationship with food and body image through an integrative, evidence-based process so that they can move through each day feeling more present, empowered, and comfortable in their skin, without worrying about what to eat.
You’ll also find Katelyn snuggled up with her cat or strolling the beach in sunny San Diego with her husband and their pup Winnie.
In this conversation I talk about:
My personal relationship with the scale and how I eventually got to a more calm relationship with the scale
The freedom that I’ve experienced from releasing the scale
Practical tips for dealing with the scale at the doctors office
How to begin creating internal awareness and boundaries around diet culture
Resources I mention in this episode…
Connect with me...
IG: @katelyn.parsons
Website: katelynparsons.com
Ready to heal your relationship with food + body?
Book your FREE Body Trust Breakthrough Consult
Grab your FREE Intuitive Eating Workshop
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TRANSCRIPTION
Episode 98:How To Stop Scale Drama SOLO EPISODE
Katelyn:
Hello. Hi, it's just you and me again, this week for a little mini solo episode. And I want to talk about something today that I know creates a lot of anxiety for so many of you listening, and it certainly did for me. And so we're going to be talking about our relationship with the scale.
Wherever you are coming into this conversation, whether you actively weigh yourself, whether it's periodically, whether you have chosen to get rid of the scale altogether, I want you to hang in here with me, because I, I think that there still could be something here for you. Because sometimes, hearing messages like this can be so helpful in support for ourselves, but they can also really lend a compassionate lens for supporting others around us as well, too.
Before I go any further, I think it's really important to recognize my privilege in this conversation. I have alway been in a smaller body my entire life so while I haven’t been immune to my own struggles, I’ve never experience weight stigma from doctors or our culture. Nobody has ever told me to lose weight for medical reasons, and I know that particular type of fear ongoing can perpetuate an entirely different complex of emotions and self-worth.
I’ll also link some articles and papers in the show notes if you’d like to take a deeper look at weight science and BMI.
So before we get into some action tips, I want to share a glimpse into my personal relationship with the scale, so you have an idea of where I’m coming from.
Up until I got my taste of diet culture (right around middle school), I had a really neutral relationship with the scale. I have no concept of good numbers or bad numbers. There was not moral judgement on body size- truthfully I have a vivid memory of being in my 5th grade class, hearing all of my classmates going around sharing their weight and feeling like the highest number was the best. Which I look back and LOVE- I wish that positive relationship with body weight had remained, but it definitely took a pretty severe nosedive not long after.
I grew up with bathroom scales all around me, but I never paid much attention to them until I was actively trying to change my body. Which was right around 6th grade. And truthfully from after my first diet, I became actively preoccupied with weighing myself daily- often multiple times a day whether it was at my house, the doctors office, school, a friend or family members house- wherever there was a scale I felt compelled to step on it.
Unfortunately my little scale game that I had created for myself was not a playful, positive experience. With each step not the hard metal surface, I’d hold my breath and await my emotional fate- I know the so many of you will relate to this, but I always had a number in my mind that would mean a “good” day and if it was above that all hell broke loose - I’d shut down emotionally, restricts what I was eating or self-sabotage into a binge, I’d cancel plans- you name it.
Just toggle you some context around the lifespan of this story- I was experiencing some version of this relationship with the scale from that 6th grade moment that I shared up until I was around 30 years old.
I brought a scale with me to college. I weighed myself every time I could at the gym. I’d cancel doctors appointments if I was having a bad body image day to avoid being weighed. When I started my health coaching business I would cancel photoshoots if I weighed myself and saw a number that I didn’t like.
And the interesting part is, when I was in this- I had no idea how entangled my own self worth was to my weight. It had become so normal for me through all of these years and it felt like everyone around me was participating in some versions of the scale agony. Which is exactly what diet culture wants us to feel like.
Okay so how did I eventually get to a more calm relationship with the scale? Like I mentioned before, when I first stared my business I was coaching around holistic health and secretly still very stepped in my own disordered eating- let me just tell you, this perpetuated an entirely different type of shame and pain. I so badly wanted to promote this ease with food and body confidence- I never promoted scales or weight loss and intuitive KNEW how fucked up the scale made our relationship with ourselves. But I couldn’t get rid of it. I would hide my scale in the closet or under the bed so that it was “out of sight” to everyone else and hop on to get my fix whenever I was alone.
I know that something had to change- my relationship with the scale was no longer the person that I wanted to be. I could feel it limiting my ability to step into the version of myself that I wanted to become. But I was so scared to let it go. The scale had become some form of a security blanket or drug- a controlled place for my emotions.
My change was gradual and I want to share this process in case you’re at a place right now or in the future where you want to shift your relationship with the scale too.
First I set a really clear intention that I wanted to stop weighing myself altogether and came up with some reasons that felt important to me around WHY I was doing this.
Then I gradually reduced how often I was weighing myself. I started with every other day, then stretched myself to a couple of times a week, then once a week when that felt possible. And when I say possible- that doesn’t mean “comfortable”…to me it means stretching into an area of discomfort that I could take on.
Also I mentioned this before, but I had already placed my scale out of sight before I started this intentional process. But When I support clients with this, that’s a step that can be really helpful too.
When I was at a place where I was weighing myself once a week - I honestly can’t remember how long this went on for. And there wasn’t a deadline or a day that I’d planned to get rid of my scale altogether- just an arbitrary goal that I was working towards. One day I just remember waking up and knowing that I was going to get rid of it once and for all. And when I say “get rid of it” for me it meant trashing the scale that I had in my house but ALSO completely letting go of weighing myself in general- no more hopping onto bathroom scales when I went someones house, or weighing myself at the doctors or gym that I was a part of. I was ready to detach this completely so that I could really commit to rebuilding my self-trust and self-worth.
I wish this story had an epic ending- like I went into an alleyway and smashed my scale with a hammer or drove to a cliff and threw it into the ocean (not great for the environment I know but you get the dramatic effect.) In reality I was alone in my house on a normal workday. I took my scale, went out to the recycling bin and tossed in. I’m pretty sure I did a dance after and I definitely remember feeling this rush of adrenaline, but that was it. I knew it was a major next chapter for myself.
From that moment, it’s really been about increasing all of my other body image tools & skills- a large amount that I’ve learned from my own coach, therapist, and personal research.
I’ll share some of those in just a moment, but I want to first emphasize the freedom that I’ve experienced from releasing the scale. I KNOW that this will look different for everyone, but in light of my personal story that I’m sharing with you today I can tell you that letting go of the scale has created so much freedom and emotional ease in my day. I no longer have that internal judgement ruminating in the back of my mind based the number, I don’t make choices around how I move or what I eat out of permission or punishment. I go to the doctors office now without the scale anxiety that I’d previously experienced. And so much more.
But that doesn’t mean that getting to this place was a cake walk- there were definitely moments where I had to sit in the discomfort of wanting to find a way to weigh myself- which required a deeper look into what ELSE was going on. And that’s why having support and actively practicing body image tools have been so important, so I want to share what some of those have been with you:
First let’s talk about the doctors office. Weight stigma is so rampant and flawed in most medical places, this can feel extra challenging and is sometimes, but IS possible to shift. And you DESERVE to receive the healthcare you need.
Here’s what I recommend:
You can refuse to be weighed. Just let the person taking your vitals know that you’re choosing to opt-out. This is your right! Also, most insurance companies only require 2 vitals to be taken at an appointment. Stepping on the scale just happens to be one of the easiest, so most practitioners do this out of habit.
Let them know that you would like them to keep the number to themselves- to please not say it out loud. Step on the scale & keep your eyes forward.
If you’re concerned that your eyes will wander down to the number, you can also let them know to keep the number discreet & step on the scale backwards.
And the final tip that I want to offer you today that I probably should have mentioned first But here we are, you can call the office ahead of time when you're scheduling your appointment and let them know when you are scheduling the appointment that you would like a blind Wait, or that you want them to make a note in your chart that you will not be, you will not be weighed at the appointment. However, you're comfortable articulating that. But you can let them know that and if you are comfortable as well, too, and this is relevant for you, you can also let them know that you are recovering from disordered eating or from an eating disorder, when you make that disclaimer to the people in charge are usually extra sensitive.
So those are some ideas. And this also, you know, you're dealing with humans here. If our expectation for the people of the medical office is for them to just do everything perfectly, we can all often feel disappointed. And so this, this is a boundary that you're setting for yourself. And just like with any other boundary, it will most likely need to be reinforced. And so this is where you can proactively reinforce that boundary just by reminding them when you get to the office or throughout the appointment. And if you in your humaneness forget to do that and something goes awry, you can also just let them know, at the appointment as well so that you want them to make this very clear note for the next time as well.
Next tool that I want to offer you is to begin creating internal awareness and boundaries around diet culture. Like I mentioned earlier in my story, for a really long time the drama around weighing myself felt normal because it just seemed like “that’s what you’re supposed to do”. It felt like my destiny as a woman and there was some sense of a community (aka disordered diet culture), that activated my primal brain to want to fit in, be accepted, feel normal. NOW I look at places with a scale ore weight loss promotion separately & critically. So example- if I’m at someones house going to the bathroom and see a sale, I note that it’s there, check in with what my thoughts are, how I’m feeling and remind myself that I’m on my own journey and that they are on there’s. If I see a weight loss ad on TV or pass by a scale in a grocery store (I know that sounds horrific and it is- I grew up in Florida so if you’re familiar with the grocery chain Publix, they have massive scales at the very front of the store that anyone can step on anyway I digress.) Point is that if I see any of these things I remind myself that these are a part of diet culture and not serving my self-worth journey….
And last tool that I want to share is one around thought work. This can be applied to pretty much anything in life and is really valuable when feeling triggered. So for example If I see a bathroom scale in someone's house, that’s completely neutral. It’s literally an object on the ground that I’m choosing to assign meaning to. So I see the scale (circumstance). Then I notice what my thoughts are- what the story in my mind is- what meaning am I attaching to this hard piece of mental on the ground? Next I check in with my emotions- how I’m feeling- where it’s showing up in my body. And I just observe if I’m in a state that feels calm, supportive, nourishing, empowering etc. or am I noticing fear, anxiety, sadness, anger. By the way, none of these emotions are bad- the feelings that we experience are always feedback AND we can choose how we want to explore and experience them based on our thoughts. So if I AM noticing that that emotions coming up don’t feel great, I go back to my thoughts and take a moment to come up with a few other possible options as thoughts that feel true. And I aim to land on one that creates some new feelings that feel more comfortable.
Okay, I’m going to wrap it up here. I know that this was a really dense episode- like I mentioned before, I will link some additional resources in the show notes of this episode around the topic of weight, scale, BMI etc. so be sure to check that out.
Before we go, I want to invite you to take a moment to breathe in a BIG compassionate breath and just notice how you’re feeling right now. Topics like this can bring up all different emotions- so if you’re experience that you’re human and it’s very normal. We’re all living in diet culture. We all have our own unique relationship with food, our bodies and message + beliefs around things like the scale so having conversations like this is bound to bring up some thoughts and feeling worth exploring.
I just commend you for sitting in this conversation. You are incredible and DESERVE to reclaim your mental + emotional space that food/body/weight thoughts have taken up so that you can step into your creative power and authenticity with ease.